Monday, 16 December 2013

LOVE

Tanya’s world came crashing down around her, when she found out how the person  she had  loved so much was cheating on her. Yash , her boyfriend, was her college friend. Soon they fell in love but after four years of the relationship , she realized that he was just fooling her like many other girls. She tried hard to overcome the melancholy but she failed. She could not control herself and finally decided to commit suicide by cutting her veins. Her roommate found her and soon called an ambulance. When she was taken to the operation theatre, she was continuously screaming to let her die before she fell  unconscious. After her life was saved, she was shifted to a new ward. When she gained her consciousness, her eyes caught the sight of same doctor who saved her. She was glaring at him.

“Hi I am Ayan, your doctor .” He said with a smile on his beautiful face. He was in his thirties and looked smart .

Tanya turned to the other side to avoid his gaze.

“How are you feeling now?” He continued. There was no reply.

“I know what  you are  going through but I don’t think you should have committed suicide for that. And your parents will be here by tomorrow morning. They were shocked when I broke the news to them. I felt the pain in their voices. You have hurt them that you should not have. ”

“Stop it, I don’t want to hear anything. You don’t even have a slight idea how much I am going through. How one feels when their loved and trusted ones betray them. ” Tanya screamed.

There was a dead silence. “I know how it feels when somebody, we love so much ,is not part of our life ”. Tanya felt the gloom in his voice like he too had went through the same hell. Tanya tried to calm herself down. Tanya felt sorry for him and this time turned to face him instead of the wall.

He was still smiling.

“I am sorry but I don’t want people to tell me what’s right and what’s wrong. I know everything but emotions overmaster every sense.”

“Yes I know . Don’t worry , soon you will get out of this bad phase. And that guy is not even worth of your single tear drop. Get well soon”. Ayan smiled and left the room, leaving some impact on her.

Ayan visited her again ,checked her progress and gave her a book  that covered instances of people’s life who fought every odd  to save their lives.
“Life is precious, remember that.” He said as he was leaving the room.

Slowly, Tanya was coming out of  her depression .Aryan would visit her twice a day and talk to her as a counsellor. After a week , she was in much stable condition to get discharged from the hospital. When she was about to step out of her room , she was stupefied to see Yash at the door.

“Hi, How are you? I am sorry . I never knew you were so serious about our relationship.”

Tanya was burning with anger but remained silent .

“Well if you want we can get back together.”He said with a big smile on his face.

“Disgusting . I don’t want your favor. Just get lost. Everything  is over , I don’t need you. Just go away. You mean and selfish fool.” She scowled at him .

He left her without saying anything.

She ran out to the garden and sat on a  bench .She tried hard to stop herself from feeling worse .She started crying , her anger was flowing out with her tears. Then, Ayan came and sat next to her but didn’t utter a single word. After few minutes ,she got back her composure.

“Why are you crying? I overheard the conversation between you two but I don’t understand the reason behind your tears.”

“I don’t  know, what I did a few minutes ago  was right or not. I am so confused. Now when I know his real self , I feel like a fool. How could I fall in love with such a fellow?  But then I still have some feelings for him. Whether it was love or attraction. I have no idea. For me it was love but now I know I was wrong. He had never loved me .I was a fool to commit suicide for that idiot. What is love!.”

She was looking at him, who was patiently listening to every word of her. Then after taking some time he said. “ I too don’t know how people define love. But somebody had once said these lines to me .I was like you but that person changed me completely.  Love is love. Love is how you feel for that person . Love is  around you, inside your heart and inside your mind. Love is all about caring for others, making them happy and feeling their happiness and sorrow . Love is about cherishing the memories rather than crying for missing the person. Love is trying to live the  dream of the other one. Love is not just about the physical attraction but the beauty that dwells in that person’s heart . Love is not about saying ‘I love You’ 24 times a day but to feel the love when it is not expressed. Love is  just love.” She was mesmerized. She had never in her life heard this kind of definition of love. She thought that for a second she had  seen tears in his eyes. But there were none. He was calm and his vision fixed at the setting sun. She looked at him with adoration. She thanked  him in her thoughts for giving her life a new meaning, a new perspective.

For a few  months she would visit him  twice a week. She would ask him to take walk with her in garden, whenever he was free. She would ask for his advice. She would share her heart with him. While he would listen to her quietly , giving smiles and nods in right places. And also his advices that were valuable for her. She felt that his smile had some pain hidden in it. But she couldn’t  dare to ask him. She had developed a liking for him. She was sure that he was the best person in the world for a girl to spend her life with. And soon without even realizing Tanya fell in love with him. But this time her love was not conditional. She was happy that she could atleast spend a few hours with him but still some part of her heart wanted to reveal the truth to Ayan.

“Ayan” Shouted Tanya .

She was waiting for him in the garden when her eyes fell on him.

“Hi Tanya .How are you?”

“Fine” Tanya replied with a smile. She was nervous but she had to tell him.

"Well Ayan..... I wanted to ask you...."    She hesitated to ask him the question that was needed before she tells hi m about her feelings.

“What !”Ayan was looking at her waiting for her to respond.

“Tanya, Come on .Don’t hesitate.”

“Ayan, hmm.. We are now good friends and I had shared my entire life's story with you but you have never told me anything. I know there is something that you are hiding, not only from me but from everyone. What is it ? I can feel that there is someone very special who was or maybe is still there in your life. Who is that person?”

There was silence for a few minutes. Tanya looked at him, his mouth was slight open and it looked as if there was  a fight going on inside him.

Ayan sighed and sat on the bench. He looked at the ground below him.

Tanya sat next to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

“Tanya, I was just like you. I had never really known what life and love were. She told me the meaning of both and some I had learnt from her. The definition of love, that I had once told you, was her words . When I came here as a doctor , the first person I saw was her. She was beautiful and laughed like an angel. Her hair was flowing in the breeze. I cannot say whether it was love at first sight but she attracted me towards her. I had always treated my patients as patients nothing else. But she was different .She would create a relationship with everyone. Her patients for her were a friend , uncle, aunt or little sister or brother. She had a different way of enjoying life. Her happiness increases with her patient’s smiles.

She loved everyone and got love and respect from everyone in return.She has got a heart of gold. The more I got to know her, the more I fell in love with her. She was my angel. Her smile would bring smile on my face as well. Everything was perfect till that day when our lives changed forever. There was a little girl, who had a terminal disease. She would not survive that was clear to every doctor of this hospital except Jiya. A new technology had appeared at that time for such kind of disease. She was sure that this new invention would save her .Her attachment with the girl grew with time. And after a month that unfortunate moment arrived . sShe was confident but I knew the girl would not survive. Only a miracle could save her but still I prayed for her to survive because her death would break Jiya completely. Jiya was strong as a doctor but with that girl, she had a mother-child relationship. As Jiya came out of the operation theatre, her face was white, her eyes wide open. My heartbeat stopped. I could read her face .The girl died and with her a part of Jiya. She cried for a long time. I knew that she would take some  time to come out of it but had never imagined that things would go out of hand. She would not talk to anyone neither would take any operation. And then, after a week, she committed suicide. She considered her as a murderer but that was not true. It was not her fault and every doctor knew it except herself. I was her doctor. I looked at her, lying on the stretcher, blood flowing out of her body. My heart beat was abnormal at that time.  She was shrieking. Looking at me with her eyes and pleading not to save her.  My heart too was bleeding . But one thing I was sure of was that I have to save her. The operation was successful. I was happy but soon my happiness turned into my worst nightmare. Jiya was slowly losing her self control. She would cry at night or would bang her fist on the wall or keep repeating to herself that she killed the girl. This continued for a week before...'  His voice choked. Tanya noticed a tear slipped out of his eyes and fell on his shoe. He was crying. Tanya too felt her heart heavy. She could not believe that the person who always looked satisfied with his life had a terrible pain buried in his heart, a pain that was more terrible than her own .

Ayan took a deep breath and continued “ ...before she was sent to an asylum". Tanya's mouth fell open.She breathed. "asylum."

"I  was selfish that I had saved her life but I was a doctor too and it was my duty to save lives. Her suffering was so much that I could not see her  like that. Sometimes she would even get suicidal. I thought of leaving my job forever and stay with her but that was not possible.I knew somewhere in my heart that she would not have liked it. But  how could I have left her alone. After trying everything, the only way left was the asylum ,where she would be safe and even recover soon. I cannot tell how I felt when I had to take that decision. I had to part with her and also with my soul . I visit her every day whenever I find free time. But facing her kills me. Sometimes I regret saving her life at least she would not have to suffer like this. "

Tanya’s eyes welled up. She felt like crying but controlled herself. She stood and walked a few steps ahead such that he could not see her face . She was sure that he would never allow a woman in his life again. Tanya felt his pain and his true love for Jiya . Her feelings were nothing compared to his." But she still had some hope.

"Ayan .We cannot change the past but can work for a better future. Jiya is such a good soul. I wish I could do something for her.But before that why dont you take me there.And Jiya is your girlfriend?"

Ayan smiled.

 "No more than that: my life. She was my wife.""

Tanya was shocked even though she had prepared herself for the worst but her tears came rolling down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them off and turned to face Ayan.

"Come Ayan. Let’s go and meet Jiya."

Tanya was awestruck. Jiya was more beautiful than Ayan had described her. Suddenly she felt worse. Jiya who was blessed with everything was now going through this hell. She got sympathy towards her.

 "Jiya .."called Ayan

Jiya ran towards us , extented her hands through the bars and then smiled at Ayan. Her eyes told that they recognise Ayan very well. Suddenly Jiya turned back before giving a look at Tanya. She was murmuring to herself. Tanya was sure that she had seen love and longing in her eyes. She looked at Ayan whose eyes were fixed on Jiya. She saw similar emotions in his eyes .Tanya felt a little jealous of Jiya. She ran out of the asylum and cried.

"Tanya, I am sorry . I know this is disturbing thats why I never told you."

Ayan was standing next to her. "Ayan I have to go. I am sorry"

Before Ayan could even open his mouth she was gone.



“Hi Tanya what a suprise. I thought you would never come. "

Ayan was smiling bigger than she had ever seen him.

 " I am sorry Ayan but I had never known it would take me a month to accept this truth"

Ayan was confused .

"Ayan .... I fell in love with you. Even though I had prepared myself for everything still I could not take it in the right way. I know your love for your wife is  so pure and deep. I stand no chance. But now I am ready to stay with you as friends forever. The way you helped me come out my grief I had felt that you liked me."

"Tanya when you came you reminded me of Jiya. Both of you were asking for death instead of life. I saw her in you. I didn’st want another girl to face a suffering smilar to her's. Thats why I had spent those hours with you to help you. But to be honest Tanya now I too have a liking for you . I love you but not the way I love Jiya.She is my life ,my angel"

"And you are my angel." Tanya smiled.

" Tanya now you are a strong girl and confident about life , I am sure you too will get a better person in your life."

Ayan smiled and held her hand.

“  I know…."  she said with  a sad smile.

 "…. Ayan my feelings for you are unconditional just like you have for Jiya. She cannot feel your feelings, your presence properly but still you love her so much.What I want to do in my life is to make you smile."

" Thanks Tanya."

Tanya cried on his shoulder for she knew her love was pure but not complete without him. But she was happy to have him in her life even as a good friend.



After a year………………………………………….

 " Thanks Tanya.You have done so much for Jiya. Now, she recoginses me and eagerly waits for us to see her."

Tanya smiled and winked at him.

 "Ayan ...Now this is aim of my life. Not just Jiya but to help every girl going through a bad phase."

  "You will succeed . Because what you are doing deserves all good in your life. "   Ayan embraced her.

 " Go Jiya is calling you. "

" Come with me ."Ayan said holding out his hand for her.

 " Ayan go . Just let me finish this"   She pointed towards her diary lying on her lap.

She had established an NGO for girls who suffer so much in their lives. She looked at Jiya and Ayan . They were smiling. Even though Jiya was still not the one Ayan fell in love with her but his love for her was same . A tear drop fell on her diary . She had mixed emotions of happiness and sorrow. But still she was very happy and satisfied with her life and herself.

 " Tanya ….” shouted  Jiya with her melodious voice.

Tanya closed her diary and ran towards her  new life.